i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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