nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
