I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
