He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
