This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize