Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
