we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
