Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
