how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
