He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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