Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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