Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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