You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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