you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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