vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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