Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
