I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
