I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
