the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
