was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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