I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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