I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
