i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
