i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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