So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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