I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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