I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
