Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
