im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
