the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
