you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
