I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
