I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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