my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
