R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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