Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
