Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
