why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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