so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
