you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
