I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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