Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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