I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
