i love accidental penises.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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