i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
