i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
