...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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