She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
