i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
