It's Friday. Sex?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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