Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
