Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
